pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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