It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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