Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
