y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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