I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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