She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
