OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
