i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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