U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
