Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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