Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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