dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
