Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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