Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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