yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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