Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
