i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
