so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
