Screwed.edu
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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