So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
