I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
