Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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