hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
