she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
