my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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