So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
