I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
In America we eat man semen.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
