You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
