You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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