I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
