How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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