I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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