I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
