You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
