Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
