The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
