i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
