I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
