I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
