By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
