Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
