Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
