Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
