i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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