i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
