Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
