I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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