Say something about gay babies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
