Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
