i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize