hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
