Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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