You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
