Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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