Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
