It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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