my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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