i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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