I could have mohawked her pubes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
