drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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