so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
