So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
