I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
