Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
