Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My feet surprised me
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