I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
